Speical time with Kenan

Last night Hannah and Timmy stayed the night at Jeff's parents house. It is spring break for them so that was an exciting thing for them. Kenan and Micah were home with me since Kenan had preschool this morning. We had a fun night though. He helped tuck Micah into bed and he helped clean up all the toys. We made popcorn and cozied up on the couch to watch Veggie Tales Moe and the Big Exit. After the movie, daddy called and said he was on his way home from school, so I let Kenan stay up late! (he went to bed about 8:30 p.m.) He hid from papa as he walked through the door and the scared him. Then it was time for the nightly scary story exchange between him and daddy and then he was out like that! *snaps fingers* Kenan informed me this morning that he had such a fun night with me last night. When I told him that I had a fun night with him, he beamed. In my opinion, I haven't had really quality alone time with each of my older kids in a while. Micah usually gets it, and I squeeze in moments here and there with each of the older three, but it's really hard to get a good chunk of time with me all to themselves. I am going to use this spring break to start that habit. Each week, I am going to be intentional about spending time with each of my kids doing something that they'd like. I'm going to do a little planning, but I want spontaneity to be there too. It's so important for me to really connect with my children on a personal level. I was going to do this with Timmy tonight, but he is having a sleep over with a friend, and Hannah is sleeping over at a friend's house. Oh well, I will try again tomorrow. Hug your kids and enjoy their smiles. They are only at this age once and it goes by like that! *snaps fingers* *sigh*

Kenan

Last night, as I was helping Kenan dry off after his bath he informed me that he is cute. "mommy, I'm cute like booger" then he grins. Gotta love it!

Do I really want to know what lies ahead for me?

Today in Sunday school, the once around question was "if you could know the outcome of one thing in your life, what would it be and why?" And with knowing this outcome we can do nothing to change it if it's something we don't like. I was going to say I'd like to know what my children would be like when they are grown up, but that was taken by several people so I thought I'd be different. I went a more serious route. My answer was that I'd like to know how long I have left with my husband, and hopefully the answer would be many many years. He is having bad bad headaches again, and that is really scary. Anytime he has a headache is scary worrisome, but he's had this headache for about 3 weeks now. It's painful, and it's constant. The pain goes down his spine. I know that back in February, he fell on his back after he slipped on some ice at the bottom of our driveway. That afternoon, he got a headache and his back hurt. I don't know if this headache is from when he fell, or if it's something else. I suffer from migraines and I get them a lot! The pain is terrible, I can't imagine suffering for 3 weeks with constant pain like that. I need to keep presenting this to God, because if I don't I'll be eaten up with worry. Going back to my question...Do I really want to what lies ahead for us? In a way no, because what if it's an answer that I won't like? I can do nothing to change it. But mostly I think I would want to know so I could change how I look at the outcome, or how I treat my husband, or the amount of time I spend with him. He is about to finish up his apprenticeship training. he has 9 days of school left. He graduates April 29th! I want him to see the Dr. this week and so does he, but what if it's something serious and he has to drop out again? He's so close to finishing school for good. I know God is in control and that He has the outcome in His hands. I know that I need to rest in that. Why is it easier said than done? I'd keep writing, because I feel like there is so much I want to get out, but I hear the 1 year old up from his nap, and I need to get ready to go pick up our oldest son from his baseball evaluation.


* edit on 4/3/09
My husband still has headaches, but the CT scan came back clear. Praise God for that! We are still trying to figure out different treatment options since the headaches are still there. They aren't migraines and the imitrex the Dr. prescribed isn't helping. Maybe he will need to see a chiropractor. I don't know. I know there are chiropractors out there that don't crack the bones or anything. I don't really know the difference, but I know there is one! God is good, even in the unknown.

Something I learned

The other day in my bible study, Discerning the Voice of God, I came across Hebrews 4:12 ~ "For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart."

In my workbook there was a wonderful quote " When you read your Bible, receive it and savor it...like a love letter from God to you. Remember, you're reading in order to meet Someone. Ponder what you have read, and apply it to your present circumstances. Let it go down into the core of your being. And as you read, expect Him to commune with you." - Bruce Wilkinson.

Now, to tie these two thoughts together...I've been learning throughout this study, that God is always speaking. We just don't hear through all the noise in our lives. I've also been learning more and more how important it is to be in His word everyday. The Hebrews verse points out that the word of God is living and active. Wow! What a thought! Then it hit me, God is always speaking, but am I listening? Am I letting myself be too busy and distracted. It reminded me of my kids and how I talk to them and talk to them about the same things sometimes. Are they listening, are they getting it? When God called Samuel, Eli didn't immediately recognize that it was God calling, and he was the high priest. If anyone should have known, it would've been him. God was patient. He was persistent, and He was personal. He called Samuel by name, and he didn't finally say "Yo Kid! Wake up! I've called you 3 times already!" God didn't give up either. I take comfort in this. God will be patient with me when I'm not listening, or not able to easily recognize his voice. He will be persistent when it seems that "I'll never get it" .

So if God's word is living and active, then it has so much in its pages that pertains to my life, and I should probably check into it a little more. I haven't in the past because I get caught up worrying that I won't understand it, or that God has nothing to say to me today. That is such wrong thinking on my part. Another thing that I learned is that He calls us by name. I love it when someone says my name. I'm sure many people feel that way. I have to admit, I'm not good with names, and I'm not good at remembering to use someones name that I do know. I'm going to try harder to remember to greet others by their name.

I'm no theologian, these are just my thoughts that pass through my mind as I contemplate what I've learned and read. I'd love to hear your thoughts as well.

Memories and empty toilet paper tube!

Last week Kenan came home from preschool with a piece of construction paper that I am supposed to use to put together a collage of pictures of him. They will hang that sheet up because today they were going to be celebrating Kenan's pretend birthday. His birthday is in June, and since she has so many kids to plan birthdays and pretend birthdays, she just randomly plans them. So, on Sunday I got the bright idea to put together a collage of pictures going from infancy to now. That was a great idea right? I take the flash drive out of the fire safe and set it on the computer desk where it sat all day. Finally at 7:45 I sit down to do it, and I can't find the flash drive. I frantically search every where and I started crying. 2 years of pictures were on there! So many memories, that I won't ever get back! My poor hubby comes home and finds me crying, and frantically searching everywhere. I was praying and asking God to please just show me where it is or make it appear or something. I searched the garbage, and recycling inside and outside (ick!) Then Jeff, Hannah and Timmy started helping me look. We looked everywhere, even places where it just wouldn't be. I finally resigned myself to just stop looking for it. I thought, it'll be like everything else - it'll pop up after I finish looking for it. I spent all morning looking for it and this afternoon looking for it. As I walked through the house, I'd scan the rooms I went through. I kept going back to the fact that it was on the computer desk. Timmy even remembered seeing it there. Then I got worried it was lost in the recycling bin that got emptied today. I called Burt's Disposal and asked them if there was any way to find something that got lost, even though I knew she would say no. She did say no. While I was making lunch for the kids, Kenan told me that the toilet was plugged up. Then he said "just kidding! but there's no more toilet paper" So I go in, check the toilet and change the roll. I take the empty card board tube and thought, Timmy can use this for his project. He's making a diorama of a colonial fort. Then it hit me! We were making a diorama last night. Timmy's crayon box was on the desk! Maybe the flash drive got put in there on accident. So I went into Timmy's room, and sure enough, it was sitting in the crayon box! Hallelujah! My heart started beating so fast, I was so happy! Praise God! He jogged my memory with an empty toilet paper tube! I kept praying all night and day when I started worrying about the lost pictures, and I kept telling myself, that I just need to trust God. He'll reveal to me it's whereabouts in his own good time! Why he waited until 12:53 pm to jog my memory, I'll never know, but I found it! We are celebrating with Culvers tonight for dinner!

blood on the books (another scary story by Kenan)

This is the best that I can remember the story that he told me tonight as I was tucking him into bed.

Once upon a time, there were books and the books had blood on them. And there were monsters. There were monsters everywhere! Monsters on mommy's head. Monsters on Kenan's head, on papa's head. There were monsters on Micah's head, Timmy's head, Hannah's head. There were monsters on everyones heads. Then....the monsters eated you! They eated everyone! The monsters eated the houses too! And then the robots came. They're eyeballs came alive and the lightbulbs moved all around. And then...the roofs came alive and the trees came alive, and the earth came alive. Then the Aliens came down into the earth! Hahaha! You're turn, mommy!

Kenan was playing in his room, and all of a sudden he comes running out and told me "mommy mommy! come look! I want to show you a mystery I found!" He takes me by the hand and leads me into his room to show me "the mystery". Now, in his closet he has a night table. It's in there because there really is no room for it anywhere in his room for right now. Kenan points out that behind it, and underneath he found a mystery. He opens the drawer and in it are his pirates and few odds and end toys that he found. He had them all neatly arranged in the drawer, like you would find artifacts from an archaelogical dig. He was so proud of them. I had to tell him how cool his mystery was!

Is it worth it?

I'm trying something new. Well it's not really new, but I feel I haven't been in the habit lately so I want to add something new to my day. I want to ask this question: Is it worth it? When Kenan is drinking juice out of the jug for the umpteenth time, is it worth it to make a huge deal out of it? Wouldn't it be better for him and I if I just told him calmly not to do it, explain why, and then walk away? Now, I know that children should be obedient, and that drinking from the jug is not the best idea, but really....will this matter 10 years from now? Sometimes I think the my kids do things just to see the reaction they get from mom. What will she do this time? And boy, I'm sure I'm pretty hilarious sometimes. When I find little frivolous purchases on our bank statement, how frustrated do I really need to be? I mean, will this matter in 10 years from now? Sure, if we were going into debt over these frivolous purchases, then yes, I would have a reason to be frustrated. But if it's only because my husband was running late, it was freezing cold outside, and not all the downtown sidewalks were cleaned off, then I think he deserves to park a little closer without me getting so easily frustrated.

I know one thing God is in the process of teaching me, is patience. Actually he's been teaching me patience since I've had children. Oh how patient He is with me! I'm learning how to lighten up and laugh at myself. It's amazing how laughter can difuse a bad mood. God has given me a hilarious family to teach me that. I'm also learning about His Grace. He gives me so much grace through all my imperfections and stubborness. How I wish to model that to my family each day. God is so good!

I was listening to a song on the radio the other day - Sweetly Broken by Jeremy Riddle and part of the chorus goes like this:

At the cross You beckon me
You draw me gently to my knees, and I am
Lost for words, so lost in love,I’m sweetly broken, wholly surrendered

I love the picture of God drawing me gently to my knees. He doesn't just push me down and say do this! or do that! or be like this or that! He beckons me which, to me, suggests that He does it in such a way that makes me want to come to him. The way He beckons me makes me want to change and better myself. Like I said above, He's given me my family to teach me so much. I don't think I could think of a gentler way to draw me to my knees than that!
So, as I go through today, I'm hoping to model His Grace and the love He shows me to those around me.