A little lesson in self-control

It was a beautiful sunshiny day.  The windows are open, the air smells of spring time, the birds are singing... and then the phone rings.  It's the kids' school.  Turns out it's K's teacher.  K bit a classmate on the bottom, derriere, butt - however you want to say it - that is where K bit this kid.  Not sure how this transpired, only that these boys and a couple other kids were in the play kitchen during learning choice time and all of a sudden a kid is crying.  What in the world?!  Tell me. How. Do. You. discipline something like that?!  Seriously.  That's a tough one.

The Consequences at school were missing out on the rest of learning choice, sitting out of reading buddy time, a phone call home, and worst of all - a visit to the principal.  This is serious business.  My son hurt another child.  How do I impress upon him that what he did was wrong, and administer consequences that seem appropriate with the circumstances while teaching K a lesson in the process?

My hubby and I have learned that our sweet 5 year old son loves attention so he will do whatever to get attention.  If it's something negative that needs a consequence we have learned the best thing is to ignore him.  Not ignore the behavior.  No, we put a stop to the behavior - whatever it might be.  We ignore K.  What I mean by that is the consequence needs to give K the least amount of attention possible.  We decided that he needed to stay in his room for the duration of the night when he got home from school.  We also felt that it would be very important for K to write a letter to his classmate, his teacher, and his principal.  Since he's a beginning writer, this gave him practice with his letters, but it was also something he really didn't want to do.  K did learn that biting is not okay, and we only bite our food.  He learned that though "his brain told him to" it doesn't mean it's a good thing for him to do.  A little lesson in self-control.

Did we handle it well?  I think we did.  As a child, I was spanked for everything.  That was pretty much the consequence of choice for, well, everything.  So as a parent myself, I have very little to go on when it comes to discipline with the kids.  My hubby and I have learned that creativity goes a long way in discipline.  Discipline is not just consequences for disobedience- though kids learn that certain behaviors result in certain consequences.  It is also training, teaching, and molding our children.   Since I didn't know what to do right away, my mind jumped to what I knew.  Spankings.  No, I thought.  How does that fit in with what he did at school?  It doesn't.  In my opinion it will only teach him not to bite because he will get spanked.  No the lesson we want him to learn: Don't bite because it hurts others and hurting others is wrong.     Did he learn this lesson?  I think he did.  I know he felt bad for hurting his friend.  When we prayed at bedtime and asked Jesus to forgive him he was nervous.

Parenting is hard.  Each child is different and each situation that arises needs to be handled carefully, intentionally, and creatively while giving thought to the unique personality that makes up that child that God so beautifully and fearfully and wonderfully created.

The beauty of a child

We took advantage of the beautiful weather last Thursday and hung out outside with the kids - well, mostly M - while the others did their own thing.  K was busy playing army guys and H's mouth was really sore so she was resting.  T was with a friend, and M insisted on playing outside which was fine by me.  

He had a blast swinging like a big boy - his new favorite thing to do outside

Only Papa can push him though.

Then it was time for Papa to take a break.  M got lost in his own little world.

too precious to pass this moment by, I got down on the ground

and did my best to capture M lost in thought.

I wonder what he's thinking about.

Oh, he found me.  The moment hasn't passed quite yet.

"M, what are looking at down there?"

"meem" translation: McQueen

Time for M to take a break.  This boy is an apple juice addict!

Frame it Friday

This post is part of Loving this mom stuff's blog carnival called Frame It Friday.  

Today we had conferences with the kids' teachers.  They are all doing well.  We are very proud of all they have done so far this year.  The kids all have great teachers to which so awesome!  My favorite part about today's conferences was K's conference.  I missed his very first conference so I was really excited to visit with his teacher and hear all about how much she adores him and how well he's doing in school.  His teacher gave us some schoolwork to show his progress from the beginning of the year until now and she gave us some recent work from writer's workshop.

Here is one of K's writer's workshop pages.  Sorry it's sideways.  Can you guess what it says?

It says "Jack and Jill went up the hill."  In Kindergarten they focus on writing the sounds that they hear from each word rather than trying to spell the word correctly since that will come with time.  He did a pretty good job I'd say.

The Beautiful Letdown

This title sums up all that I've been feeling lately.  I was thinking about this post and what I could title it and the name Beautiful letdown came to mind.  I knew it was a song title and that I've heard the song before so I googled it.  (I heart google - I will google anything that comes to mind).

About three weeks ago, I spoke at my church's women's retreat and gave my testimony.
(I mentioned this before here) It was an awesome experience and very freeing.  I spoke of my journey of forgiveness and how God has been working in my life in that area.  I know that what I shared touched many, and I'm still surprised that so many women could really relate to what I had gone through and still am dealing with today.

Fast forward to today.  I went to Bible study like I do every Thursday morning.  I'm not a overly talkative person when it comes to input on the lessons but I'll read a verse or passage of scripture or give my thoughts every once in awhile.  Today I must've been extra quiet because our leader, Linda mentioned that I was extra quiet today.  I chalked it up to being tired, but the more I thought about it during the afternoon, it bothered me.  I began to realize that I wasn't really tired physically.  It's more an emotional blah feeling.  It's hard to explain.  I had an appointment with my therapist this afternoon so I was going to mention these feelings to her.

Sharon said that she could tell a difference in me from 2 weeks ago to today.  2 weeks ago, she said was radiant and glowing.  This week she could tell something was up - The beautiful letdown.  Sharon went on to explain that when go through an emotional task of giving your testimony ( or any public speaking) you kind of have this mountain top experience - sort of a high, so to speak.  For me it was the feeling of 'I did it!'.  It felt freeing.  The encouragement and support I received as well as the the 'thanks yous', and 'I can relate to your pain' were more than I ever expected.  Sharon went to explain that usually lasts about a week or so after and then... the beautiful let down.  You come down from the mountain top to normal but it leaves you feeling blah.  That's exactly how I feel!  I have no interest in talking or thinking about my parents.  I know there are things I need to do, but I'm not ready to face them yet.  In time, I will.  I know I can't ignore what I need to do or run away from it.  I need to talk with my mom and that will be one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.  I will do it.  Just not yet.  I'm feeling indifferent.  I haven't seen my mom for over a year and I don't even miss her.  How horrible is that?!  I know it's normal and it's not horrible at all.  I still love her but I'm not ready to go forward yet.  I maybe scared - wait.  I am scared.  I know the Lord is with me.  Joshua 1:9 says be strong and courageous.  Don't be discouraged, don't be afraid, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.  (Loosely quoted.  It's dark right now, I don't want to turn on the light to look in my Bible).

Some good advice that Sharon left me with was not to dismiss these feelings or brush them aside.  Sure being blah is no fun, but God can teach me and show me more of who He is through this.  I left her office feeling so refreshed and encouraged.  I am thankful God is with me wherever I go.  And I am thankful for this Beautiful Letdown.

It was a beautiful letdown
When I crashed and burned
When I found myself alone
Unknown and hurt
It was a beautiful letdown
The day I knew
That all the riches this world had to offer me
Would never do

In a world full of bitter pain
And bitter doubts
I was trying so hard to fit in
Fit in, until I found out

I don't belong here (I don't belong)
I don't belong here (I don't belong)
I will carry a cross and a song
Where I don't belong
I don't belong

It was a beautiful letdown
When You found me here
Yeah, for once in a rare blue moon
I see everything clear
I'll be a beautiful letdown
That's what I'll forever be
And though it may cost my soul
I'll sing for free

We're still chasing our tails
In the rising sun
In our dark water planet still spinning
In a direction no one wins
No one's won.

See, I don't belong here (I don't belong)
Well, I don't belong here, I don't belong
I will carry a cross
With a song where I don't belong
I don't belong
I don't belong here (I don't belong)
No, I don't belong here, I don't belong
I'm gonna set side
And set sail
For the kingdom come, kingdom come
Your kingdom come
Won't you let me down, yeah
Let my foolish pride forever let me down

Ah, Easy living, you're not much like the name
Easy dying, you look just about the same
Would you please take me off your list
Easy living please c'mon and let me down

We are a beautiful letdown
Painfully uncool
The church of the dropouts
The losers, the sinners, the failures, and the fools
What a beautiful letdown
Are we salt in the wound
Hey, let us sing one true tune

I don't belong here (I don't belong)
It feels like I don't belong here, yeah
It goes like I don't belong here
I don't belong (I don't belong)
Won't you let me down (I don't belong)
C'mon and let me down (I don't belong)
You always let me down (I don't belong)
So glad that I'm let down (I don't belong)
C'mon and let me down (I don't belong)
'Cause I don't belong here
Won't you let me down!

Lyrics by Switchfoot

Adventures in baseball

Ok so I braved it brought our two oldest boys to get baseball gear today.  The hubby is assistant coaching and my brother is head coaching the same team.  So today was evaluation day where the kids go and run through a series of stations like, pitching, hitting, fielding, running, etc.  The coaches watch and evaluate so that they have an idea of the talent and then kids go through a draft and get picked for the teams.  It's mostly very fair, I think.  Anyway, that's where my husband was this morning so he was unable to go gear shopping with the boys.

And what an adventure gear shopping was.  First T needed a protective cup.  Yeah, I have no idea what size or shape to get.  It's gibberish to me.  He had medium last year and that seemed to fit until I shrunk it he out grew it.  I soon realized that you don't dry the little undie thing that the cup fits into in the dryer.  So the store employee saw that I had no idea what I was doing and willingly helped me figure out that though they run a little smaller medium was still the size to go with based on weight.  I think we were successful, T said it's not tight anymore!

So after the all important protective cup, we needed to look for baseball socks and cleats.  We picked black socks since we don't know what his team colors are yet (though if his coach has anything to say about it, he will be on the Twins).

Onto cleats.  Oh my word cleat shopping is a job!  I thought I was doing everything right, and now that I think about it I was.  It just took a l o o o o n g time.  I measured his foot at a 2 (forgetting that he has wide feet) so I did what I see all little feet employees do, they measure a half size up for the shoe.  I asked for a 2 1/2 or 3.    Wrong sizes.  Two tight.  Tried on a 3 1/2.  Still too tight.  It dawns on me that T has wide feet and I just need to keep going up 1/2 sizes until I can find shoe that fits him comfortable without his foot flying out of it.  We found a 4.5  EEEEK!  They fit, we brought them home.  What attracted me to this particular shoe (remember I'm a girl) was that you could change the color of the swoosh.  It can be whatever color T wants to be depending on his mood, or team colors.  Right now the swoosh is orange since that's his favorite color.  *cleats are different than shoes, as I learned from the protective cup expert employee who helped me.  I had asked him "can you tell me where I can find shoes."  He politely responded, "shoes or cleats?"  "Cleats.", I confidently responded as if I knew all along what I was talking about.

Since we were cleat shopping for T, and K was along for the ride, I asked K if he wanted to get baseball shoes.  Nope was his reply.  He said, "I won't try on any baseball shoes"  So I bribed him with quench bubblegum.  He complied.  We found size 2 cleats for his feet and the swoosh is light blue right now.

As were trying different sizes of cleats this fight, arguement, discussion ensued over quench gum and just being bored with shopping in general.
K is holding the quench gum asking if he can please, please, please have a piece of gum.  I say, "no you need to wait until we pay for it."
T rips takes the package out of K's hand and says, "you need to share with me."  I say, "T let him hold it."  "Yeah, Timmy.  Let me have it back!"  Package is ripped out of Timmy's hands.  No wait the package is back in T's hands.  Volume level is getting louder.  "Leave the gum alone or neither of you will get it."  "Here K"  "thanks T!" (there was lots of sarcasm in that last statement.)  "You guys!"  "Stop pushing!"  "Both of you knock it off!"  (I was not yelling loudly, it was mostly a whispered growl)  "Please, let's just try on shoes"  "These hurt!"  These are two tight!"  "I don't like how these feel"  "Why aren't they orange?"  "Because you can make them any color you want" "Are we done yet?"  "Okay guys, let's go. We're done"  "I need to look for wristbands!"  "Okay, let's go find wristbands"

So we are done with gear shopping for now.  The boys have their shoes cleats, and T's fully protected.  Evaluations are done.  Soon practices, and games and practices, and games begin!

Career Day

I just shuffled our boys out the door off to school.  This week has been Spirit Week at school and today is Career day.  I, for the life of me, couldn't think of a creative idea for them to dress up as for Career day.  But the boys, on the other hand, had no trouble coming up with ideas.  Once they came up with the ideas, I was able to add to the creativity and find props for their costumes.

T decided to do to school as an eye Dr.  He found a white button shirt in the dress up box and wore a dress shirt and pants underneath.  In the pocket he found an old pair of his eye glasses and I found an eye thingy from the Dr. Kit in M's room.  Then I printed off an eye chart, Timmy found a clip board and he has a pen to use as a pointer.

K chose to be a police as he called it.  With the help of his brother, he found a black shirt and jeans and T let K borrow his Sheriff's hat.  K found a rescue hero badge that I attached to the lanyard so he could wear it more easily.  Then I found a small notepad and a pen so he could write tickets to his friends.  

Aren't they cute?!

WOW!

That doesn't even begin to describe this past weekend for me.  I went on my church Women's retreat and it was so restful, relaxing, wonderful, spirit-filled, loving, friend-filled, and chocolate filled.  Let's see... where do I begin?

God did so many great things in my heart this weekend.  He stretched me, renewed me, forgave me, filled me, refreshed me, comforted me, inspired me, and used me.  The topic was Worship and the speaker, Elizabeth Murphy talked about Worship thru trusting, Worship thru resting, Worship thru Confession, and worship thru Belonging.  I was amazed at Elizabeth's ability to really paint a picture of the scripture scene and bring it to life in a way that speaks so loudly.  I loved the way she used her children to illustrate who God is.

Here are some take-aways or zingers as they were called that spoke to me on each of the topics:

Worship thru trusting:  The scripture she spoke from was John 2:1-11
Jesus is there waiting for me to invite him into the middle of my mess so that he can work miracles in my life.  I need to leave my problem with him and trust that he will work it out.  He will if I don't keep taking it back or telling him how I think he should solve my problem.  A practical idea that I loved was to write the idea down, pray over it, and then throw it way.  This gives me a visual of letting go of the problem.  God can handle anything, I just need to let him.  I like how she taught that worship is the opposite of worry.  We can't worship a God who can do anything and worry about our problems at the same time.  It's not to say my problems will go away, just that God is waiting for the opportunity to work miracles and do the unexpected in my life.  He might not work it out how I would like or when I'd like but however it works out will be perfect.   Another thing that I thought was so awesome was the phrase brim buddies.  It's not new to me, but inspired me to go to my close friends and ask them for help, and prayer and encouragement to help me trust God and give my mess over to him.

Worship thru Resting:  The scripture passage was Luke 10:38-42
Resting in God is attitude more than action.  It shows that I am choosing to believe that God is bigger than my mess or whatever is going on in my life at this moment.  Elizabeth talked about the word busyness and that the Chinese character for busyness are the characters for kill and soul together.  Busyness kills the soul.  I loved that picture.
Another thing she mentioned that really stuck out for me was that everyone is wounded.  We all have been hurt at one time in our life or another.  Some wounds are more obvious than others and some wounds have healed on the outside but the internal bleeding is still happening.  It's so important for me (for all of us) to take off my mask and be vulnerable.  This is where healing can begin and, who knows, maybe there is someone who needs to hear what I have gone through and I can be an encouragement.  We can all learn from each other.

Worship thru Confessing: The passage was Luke 7:36-50
The fact that Jesus has cancelled our debts was a great reminder to me.  No matter what I have done, he forgives me.  I'm his mess and he wants me just the way I am.  The speaker said, "comparison kills spiritual growth.  He wants me to bring my best along with my worst into his presence so that he can forgive me fill me with his love.   I gave my testimony well and  I spoke of how God has begun to bring me on this journey of forgiveness.  I was taken back by how many women could really understand all that I've been through, that they have been through similar things.  Giving my testimony was so freeing and I saw that for me Freedom was recurring theme through out this weekend.  Telling my story was a huge step in my healing.  After Elizabeth gave her talk we had a time of worship and I was filled with a feeling of worthiness in God's eyes.  That through Jesus' death and resurrection I am his and worthy or his love and forgiveness.  That he loves me and will never let me go.

The last talk was Worship thru Belonging: Elizabeth used John 4:1-42
Jesus pursues me right in the middle of my mess.  He wants me to confess my sins so that I can empty myself of me and He can fill me up with him.  He desires relationship with me, not for me to follow a checklist of rules.  I loved how Elizabeth talked about embracing our past.  That what I've been through has made me who I am.  She gave the illustration about a tea pot and how after use the tea begins to stain the inside of the teapot.  That's not a bad thing.  Those stains give a richness to each pot of tea that comes after.  She said the richness of the tea comes from the stains of the past.  What a beautiful image.